Searching for the Moon

Shannon Clark's rambles and conversations on food, geeks, San Francisco and occasionally economics

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Posted by shannonclark on June 4, 2002

Tuesday is a day of strange noises.

First the office was silent, except for my all too infrequent typing or even rarer phone call. I was the first person in this morning, and I was late.

Then this afternoon the rather strange AC system in my offices decided to kick into what I call the “airplane” mode. As in, it sounds as if there is an airplane taking off above my desk.

If I were here alone, with noone else I would probably connect to an online radio station and blast some techno/industrial noise to keep me company and drown out the AC’s hum and the general stillness and silence of a too empty office. However I am not alone here at the moment, rather my employees are here as well, so I am constrained (to a degree) in what I can do.

I have been traversing the web today, reading a lot of interesting sites, and realizing just how much more interesting most other people’s lives are than my life is these days. Even in the day to day detritus that populates most web journals my friends have hot tubs, pets, significent others (boyfriends, girlfriends, some of each in a few cases). My friends write about cooking dinner for roommates, about books they are reading and buying, about music they are listening to, about their goals and what they have to do to accomplish them.

Me. My life is on the one hand very dull. On the other, it could be seen from the outside as rather exotic, successful, and interesting, though here on the inside looking at it I would not agree.

Who am I?

I am 27 (but soon to be 28, a birthday I will likely celebrate entirely alone).

I am male. Single (more on that later). I live in Chicago.

Specifically I live in a condo on the north side of Chicago, the same condo I have owned since 1996. But also the same condo that is still only half furnished, lacking in couches, with much still in boxes, and generally a big clutter and annoyance.

I own my own company – which sounds great, however it also means that I am seriously in debt, directly and indirectly own very large sums of money, and will likely be treading water for the next three to five years just to get out of that debt. On the upside, I am a technologist and often computer consultant and can make very decent money when the work is there (which it will increasingly be for the next few years – knock on wood).

I have many talents – playing chess, cooking, picking restaurants, writing, giving massages, listening. But I am also rusty at nearly all of those for lack of a partner or even friends to do them with most of the time.

My friends have drifted away, mostly two-by-two, many moving to the suburbs or out of town, having gotten marreid and in a few cases having started a family. I am still, in the scheme of life and dating back somewhere in high school in terms of my overall dating experience.

But on the other hand many of my friends write erotica and live very complex and exotic lives and have all permutations of relationships. Just not with me.

In college I joked that I was the token straight guy at many of the parties I attended – and while an exageration it was also not far from the truth.

I am very liberal, but I am not a Democrat, as I am also strongly anti-union.

Ah well more on me later – tis easy to write, hard to share, and strange to read perhaps, or perhaps not that strange however unique and unusual I may think my own life is, there are likely many who have similiar problems.

Somehow though I suspect there are few successful, straight, not physically disabled or restrained males my age, in my educational and socio-economic group who have not had a date since Dec of 1998, it being June of 2002 at the moment.

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