Searching for the Moon

Shannon Clark's rambles and conversations on food, geeks, San Francisco and occasionally economics

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Posted by shannonclark on October 10, 2002

on the oddness of moods

or how I can’t seem to read people, not even myself

Well. Lets try to summarize. On one level – a really great, amazing, potentially shatteringly so week. Some really good news in my business, some really inspiring and interesting business networking, good feedback and input about my writing on places like Slashdot (where my user id is ShannonClark – one sign of how long I have been active there, my id is #18497, current new members of Slashdot are in the high 600,000’s, and I was a reader of Slashdot for months before actually creating a user id).

But on another level a very mixed week. Lots of events, networking and social, and some decidedly mixed signals for me at both.

One amusing first, I squashed a rumor that I had been married last weekend. Very amusing, not sure how this was started, but definitely a first for me (asked to me by a member of the local Chicago high tech media – guess my profile around town is rising a bit).

I will confess that it is a rumor that enjoyed, but one also that made me a bit jealous of my rumored self. I am far from getting married and a large part of me really does regret this – the rational part of me realizes that I probably should have a few serious relationships – with all the good (and bad, and indifferent) that is involved with those before even considering marriage. Too, I know that my having lived as a single male for so many years means that I should probably undergo a many year long process of learning to live with another person (especially a woman) before even considering marriage, etc. etc.

But, still, the not so rational part of me really does want to get married someday. Not that I am ready for this now either, but I do very much want to be father, and someday a grandfather – and I want to be young enough to enjoy both. I also would want to follow in my own parent’s footsteps of having some years at least of marriage before having any kids – all of which means that marriage really shouldn’t be all that far off for me…

Perhaps it is a sign that I am starting to be an adult (about time you might say).

This week I was semi-stood up, I had plans to meet a woman at one event, and then go to another with her – she did not show up at the first (meaning that while I was there I could not really enjoy it as I was constantly waiting at the entrance looking for her – not mingling and not enjoying myself much at all – had I known she was not going to attend, I would have mingled with the many extremely attractive woman in attendance). She was at the second, arriving there just slightly before when I did – however there, though she and I talked and did get to spend some time together, she spent much of the evening talking with a French man who was seated next to her – intimidating, not sure if I can compete at all with a French architect (speaks better French than I do – her second and native language, English being her third – or fourth language depending on how you count dialects; he was also perhaps more attractive and physically fit, and probably more experienced than I in picking up a beautiful woman).

Though in the end the evening was very enjoyable, and I did talk with her at length, and also with a number of other very interesting people (most of whom were attractive woman my age – not bad practice…) I was also the only American in the group where I was seated – which was a somewhat unusual experience, though it says much about my friends and my lifestyle that it was not all that unusual for me.

In fact, I often consider myself as only semi-American. In many ways I am very American – my entrepreneurship, my mostly self-education in my field of choice, heck my family’s religious background is very American in many ways (Jewish and Catholic – though no parts of my family share the Protestant thread that is so strong in America).

On the other hand, I am also very atypical for an American. I speak a second language (French) and have studied a third (German). I grew up without a television. My family still has fewer TVs than family members (one per household actually vs. the American average of over 4 tvs per home). I have never owned an American car. I barely drink (though this might also make me atypical for most of the world). I have studied world history extensively and am very aware of the world outside of America. I do not identify myself by TV shows, Musical genres, or sports teams. Not to say I don’t enjoy such things, but they are not core to my self-identity.

High School was not the best time of my life – hopefully that is yet to come.

Anyway, enough my rambling for one day.

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