Searching for the Moon

Shannon Clark's rambles and conversations on food, geeks, San Francisco and occasionally economics

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Posted by shannonclark on March 13, 2003

Salon.com Life | A very few good men

An article that highlights how “non-male” I feel (but I know also that I’m not gay). Basically Andrew Hacker has written a book, “>Mismatch: The Growing Gulf Between Women and Men which discusses the growing gap and difference between men and woman.

To quote from the interview:

And if women wish to be treated as equals — for example, wanting to talk to men — that may be interpreted as an attempt to feminize men?

That’s a fascinating way to put it. How’s this for an example: Let’s say a man and a woman are watching TV, and “Masterpiece Theatre” is showing an adaptation of Henry James’ “The Golden Bowl.” Let’s say the woman would really love the man to watch it with her and then discuss it with her afterward. She’d like the man to do that with her; she really would. But she’s not going to get it, though.

I guess I am not, by his research, a man – I would definitely want to discuss something like “The Golden Bowl” with a woman. Heck, the type of woman who would want to discuss literary adataptations is very much the type of woman I want – though I’d probably even prefer the woman who would want us both to read the book and then talk about that…

And he continues, apparantly a large part of golf (and other sports I think) is “hanging out in the locker room” – I think I missed that memo about “how to be a man” – I basically actively dislike “hanging out in locker rooms” – I avoid them as much as possible.

According to Hacker, “guys have been talking about sports since age 10” – again, something I’ve mostly missed out on. Yes, I grew up watching football with my father, but just watching it, talking about it was not a big part of our interaction, or my interaction with my friends. I played soccer for while as a kid, but in my house at least, my sister was by far the more “into” sports person than I, but no one really “talked” about sports – we enjoyed them from time to time, but rarely as something we would spent mental energy on discussing.

By Hacker’s depiction I am more like the “gay” men he describes, but though I have many friends of all sexualities, I also know for certain that my interests are with woman.

I guess the good news, such as it is, is that perhaps I am the type of man that Hacker notes woman will be looking for in the future, but he doesn’t think exists.. so if he, a research in the field doesn’t think I exist, what does that say about the average woman out there…

So, good article – go and read, and check out the book.

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